Life’s Golden Rules
I read some of the scribbles of Ian Fleming (author of the James Bond books). Among them were the rules he gave Bond to live his life by:
1. Don’t waste time on women who wear a bracelet on the left ankle.
2. Beware of motor cars with two women in the front seats.
3. Never play cards against a married couple unless they are drunk.
4. Before you drink, look at the brand name on the bottle.
5. Avoid people who call you “old boy”.
6. Never eat scrambled eggs unless you have made them yourself.
7. Talk secrets only in the open air.
8. Don’t buy anything that eats (he forgot to finish this rule so you will never know which animal to avoid).
9. Tread carefully in the company of moustaches, sideburns and beards.
10. Live until you’re dead.
How we have lived so long without this advice is a mystery to me.
Undressed
I have just seen La Traviata, one of Verdi’s greatest operas, at the Royal Opera House.
It’s a magnificent theatre, and the whole production was stunning, with an orchestra at the top of its game, wonderful singing and acting, magnificent sets and superb costumes.
Then in waddled the audience, T-shirts, trainers and arses sticking out from tracksuits – possibly bussed in, unwashed, from Scunthorpe.
Gone are the tails and white ties, magnificent dresses and jewels – all worn to honour the composer, the singers, the designers and the building.
Sad, somehow.
The Great Purge
Scrabble is perhaps your favourite board game.
For years there have been official Scrabble dictionaries detailing which words are allowed and banned. For instance, “shvitz”, meaning sweat, is now allowed (hooray!), as are “kawaii” (the quality of being lovable), “ougiya” (Mauritanian monetary unit), “dhikr” (Sufi ceremony) and, of course, the priceless “fy” (to digest). The thing the Scrabble authorities have never done is nanny us by proscribing naughty words. But now Hasbro (owner of the Scrabble brand) has banned a whole crowd of words that have been Scrabble-legal for a long time.
These are: batshit, boff, bollocks, bullshit, butcher, crumbly, effing, girlie, greybeard, hebe, honky, Jesuit, johnson (sad for Boris), libber, Mongolian, nancy, papist, poof, poontang, shagger, stiffy and willie.
But Hasbro has also unbanned some words: butch, pom, poo, sambo, jailbait and balder.
Now you know.